So why?
This is my private diary to document my struggle with addiction. I use the term private loosely as clearly this is published on one of the most popular blogging sites, but seeing as there are gazillions of other blogs out there, so much more pleasant and readable, I am hoping this will continue in quiet obscurity.
In other words, I need a reliable outlet, accessible from anywhere, to process, track and record my umpteenth attempt at "cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life", the immortal words of Trainspotting's Renton.
What got me to do it? Well, perhaps last weekend, spent in a bout of intense self-loathing, with a hungover from hell, my coke caked nostrils refusing to work, ruminating on my frankly disgraceful behaviour from the night before, and the booze and cocaine shaped hole in my bank account, steadily growing larger from binge to binge.
But then again, I have been through that so many times in the past year. Promises of instant change and improvement. Mondays that passed in a haze, Tuesdays that were marginally better and either end in me attending a crazily strenuous yoga class, or giving in and going for a drink, Wednesdays that made me strengthen the resolve to stay sober, Thursdays that found me smug and 'changed' and Fridays where I stayed at home like a caged animal only to go postal on Saturday, mostly starting with a boozy lunch and ending on Sunday, where I'd return into the safe womb of self-loathing after a night of complete debauchery, that may have o time.
r may not have involved me passing out in a seedy club from a drug overdose.
But maybe, just maybe that was the last time for a while. And on an off chance that it is, I may just make it this
